my TV life and my life, in general

"Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful is recognizing what you have for what it is.Appreciate small victories.Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human.Maybe we’re thankful for the familiar things we know.And maybe we’re thankful for things we’ll never know.At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing …is reason enough to celebrate." - 'Thanks for the memories' episode, Grey's Anatomy Season 2

Grey's Anatomy is the hottest show since the my faves Charmed, CSI and House! Haha. Surprisingly, it takes more effort for me to get up and watch Smallville than to stop my life and watch Grey's. That's what happens when a 30-year old image model gets to play a superhero alter ego/college student and an Asian beauty becomes his first love. Over Smallville's five seasons, I've been inclined to hate all-so-perfect Lana and now, I get less interested with the lead character. I love CK, and I love Superman. Welling's a great actor (plus the good looks) but his character is getting less and less believable probably because of the "age". But I still adore Chloe as much as I now adore Dr. Christina Yang! I have been told I was a mix of both… crafty writer with all the sarcasm. Beat that.
 

Talking about my TV life (which has not been that colorful lately compared to my high school days). I've been into that Korean soap, My Girl. Nice plot, cute characters… it totally lives up to all the good Korean romantic comedies. It was one of the few shows that had broken into my anti-kilig barrier, along with movies like Love Avtually and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Perhaps my fondness for certain Korean sitcoms influenced my appreciation for their kind of entertaiment. Trust me, some love stories are not as corny as they seem.

Talking about my life. My thoughts in the last five minutes consisted of "my zit breakout on grad pic month" problem, my failure to save the internet connection bill on overdue status, and hate for my uncontented self. I started my new tutorial job today, and I realized I no longer remember what past perfect and past progressive tense is. I need to brush up on my English or else my poor tutee will dismiss me an embarassment to the largest English-speaking country in SE Asia.

 
A piece of myself on the worldwide web:
You cannot see this. There is simply no way you would read this, I can imagine how far you are right now.Unless some strange magical force urges you to view this URL, what I write here will forever be unknown to you. And that thought… is where all the courage comes from. I'm very far from being vulnerable this way, at least.
 
Last year I was desperately rambling about wanting to see you again. Guess what,starting this moment… I don't wanna see you again. I know you have moved on. It's senseless to even try to add you in Friendster(which I just deleted).There is no purpose to our meeting other than having a few minutes of utter awkwardness. I am still sorry. I know that somewhere at the back of your mind, you know I am… so I don't have to say it in flesh. It has been almost 8 years since I found out. Just like a lifetime ago. In fact, I am still stuck in that lifetime but strangely without you in it. I have resolved to keeping it that way.
 

what i really need

Dan's latest comment (hehe, peace tayo) has confirmed everyone else's suspicion towards my personal life. That I need a boyfriend. (It sucks to even say the word, duh.) Gays, girls and boys alike have told me the same thing, or implied it at one time or another.

Just to set the record straight- I don't need or even want a boyfriend. It would be utterly surprising for me to at least have a crush right now. My appreciation of physical beauty and personality has become too deep and too weird to analyze. I have myself and the rest of the world to take care of, so a boyfriend is one of the things I need the least at the moment. Anyway, I'm unfriendly and sarcastic most of the time… so it's less likely I attract any bees soon. Haha.
 
'WHAT I REALLY NEED' LIST
 
I need to get rid of my "saving people thing". Lately that attitude I've been trying to suppress started bothering me again; as I fought the urge to er, save everyone. The superhero complex. People I tried to 'save' but did not: the pregnant lady in near-labor on a jeepney, a girl in school I barely knew who I saw with her face buried in her knees, a classmate who had eyes swollen from crying, a friend who needed to get back to school, etc. Someone who knew me well told me way back then, that you can try all you want but you can't save the world. I guess she's right. But just out of curiosity, which movie superhero am I?

Come to think of it, I've never been particularly shy around anyone lately. Hmm. A fun fact: I don't just get shy, I get butterflies and a nasty fever. The last time I felt that was three years ago where I got a slight fever while eating Japanese food with… *wink* *wink*
 
Moving on. I need a job now. I guess I already mentioned why.
 
I need to graduate. Sigh.
 
I need for more people in the world to be more sensitive. Sometimes I think I'm too much of an empath. Like my sympathy and sensitivity level was abnormally high or something. I can sense someone's sadness, anger or bliss just by sitting a few feet near him/her or just by looking at him/her for a while. Then I know how to get around a person's mood. What's weird is no one else seems to detect what I always do. I hope more of them get abnormal empathy tendencies, it could just get a little happier around here.
 
I need a long vacation. Somewhere far from here.   

an empty bench

There goes my new layout. I'm back to the blacks and grays, sigh.

There is a certain feeling of familiarity I get from looking at black and white pictures of empty landscapes. I hate to admit this, but the familiarity mostly emerges from the way I see myself.

So this is as brave as I can go. I write and hope to the goddesses that someone bored enough ends up reading this, and actually begins to care. Though I know my words stamped in a dull blog skin are not enough to explain all the guilt, fear and anxiety; at least it is all worth more than nothing.

For starters, I am playing a time-wasting computer game and blogging, when I should be studying for an upcoming exam. Everyone knew there was a time when I was not like this. I used to be focused, keen on setting goals and reaching them. Back then I knew the difference between taking a break and being outright useless. I still do not understand how all that changed. That gripping feeling I get before I sleep, the guilt of not being studious enough - I don't know where all that came from. How is my school life? I am not doing good, not doing bad either. I'm somewhat in the middle and I hate it.

Follow-up question: How is my social life? I'd be lucky to even have that right now. I am dangerously stuck in my past as a high school junior, 14 years old, quiet, playful, childish… but happy. (The last word actually mattered, ha.) It was when I never hesitated to call my friends, 'friends'. Another bit which I seem to have lost. Because those I called friends when I was 14 are the only people I can call friends until this day. I have known many people in the university and outside of it, but I'm sorry… I have hesitated making any of them worthy of that sacred label.

And how I wish I could ask myself about my career… yeah, if I had one. I failed to get that research job, which was so cool in itself even without the good pay. So now I learned to treasure that seldom opportunity of being referred to an office/workplace. Finding a nice job for a biochem undergraduate of legal age still proves difficult. The impressive major doesn't really cover it all, eh? I always hated the space-consuming classified ads in Manila Bulletin, and now I hate them even more - those ads better give me a sensible job or get out of my reading space.(!)

My first obvious sign of money problem came today: Me feeling guilty after purchasing three sets of Bench facial wipes and a Blistex. Hmmm.

I'm just so glad there was Disney's High School Musical to make me smile for a good two hours.

seriously on the edge

This day is absurd. I have no explanation for thinking about attempting to purchase Prozac after I learned it can be obtained OTC. Alarming? Yeah. I start to trace back on where and when all this began again. For a while I thought getting this happier blog skin would get me a happier, er, everything. Apparently not - as I realize my little mundane disappointments amplify themselves easily into depression. I had been aching to watch Superman Returns since the day it opened and then suddenly I learn that the IMAX was fully booked for two weeks. Not exactly the worst thing in the world, but missing the only day to see my sister and watch the movie was just too bad.

Anyway, Italy just won the FIFA World Cup. I try hard not to sink down in depression for the loss of the French, believe me. Hands down to Zidane and Vieira for a great season, still… 

The World Cup, the only thing that has been keeping me smiling these days, just ended. And since then I still haven't found a new reason to feel bliss.

what i missed

Getting braces a few days ago gave me reason to slack and mope about my hurting teeth… leaving a huge homework mess, a few unupdated stories, and an overflowing email inbox. Not to mention cutting Organic Chem yesterday. Anyways, today I realized surfing the net for hours can be a fair cure for my persistent headache.

And all this moping resulted to my missing a lot of the world, and I mean a LOT…

Superman Returns premieres today. If I get through with this slight fever I might be able to watch it at the IMAX theater in Mall of Asia this coming Saturday. Ehehe, exciting.

The latest episode of Smallville actually revealed that Lionel Luthor knew about Clark being Kal'el. I just learned that from a friend today. And I was so friggin tired last night I didn't catch it.

The FIFA World Cup June 27 game that I have been looking forward to. The result: Spain 1-3 France. That must have been interesting. First of all, I have no idea what exact time in the cable sports channel they do telecast the games. But I get to catch those shown live or replayed when I come home from school. So anyway, here is the conclusion from the game summary from the web:

"Answering their critics, France produced a fine all-round performance to set up an intriguing quarter-final against Brazil. Spain, who had shown so much promise in the group stage and taken the lead midway through the first half, pack their bags for home having once again flattered to deceive in a major tournament."

Vieira and the rest of team France celebrating.(courtesy of Reuters)
 

I liked Spain. And again, they were so near and yet so far.

There was one thing I didn't miss though. Thriving on lugaw and soup for days, I miraculously  survived eating at my friend's Yellow Cab pizza blow-out. I wouldn't miss a pizza, braces or no braces… hehe.

My sudden recurring thought: I hope I don't drown with too much spoilers before I get to watch Superman. 

writer’s block

Here's what's up with the title. I have this nagging itch to blog today, considering I updated the page just yesterday after I finally got time off from watching the World Cup and playing an online game. But strange enough, I have nothing to write for the post-prologue (or perhaps first chapter) of my new story which has a very silly title by the way… 10 Days with the Black Lily. Don't worry, I'm gonna change the corny piece soon, hehe. I am currently blogging but I can't think of a single word to kick off the first chapter, weird.

Anyways, talking about irony. I wore shoes today… and it didn't rain!

Alright. I should go to the real reason of posting this entry. I had lunch at Wendy's today, I ordered a large cheeseburger combo; and sat alone at the cornermost table. A lady, perhaps aged around late 20's asked to sit  with me and she didn't look any sort of evil creature so I agreed. I spent around 20 minutes and I was only halfway in my meal (don't be shocked, I am a slow eater…)  and I noticed the lady already checking her teeth against the mirrored wall as if she was done eating. It was a surprise, because she had just sat there very few moments ago. And then she left, while I continued eating. When I looked on to the tray she left, her salad was barely touched and her fries looked like only half of it was consumed! I maybe overreacting, but if it only wasn't against the norm or my personal hygiene, I would have took the salad and ate it myself; or maybe I would have given it to a homeless kid outside the mall. Seriously.

I believe that food should be considered of great value. That small salad bowl could have fed three street kids. If she couldn't eat it because of teeth problems or taste or because of anything; she could have just took it home, gave it to someone else or left it with a poor kid. But she didn't. My point: sayang ang pagkain, marami pong nagugutom.

slacker in school

Yes, dear citizens of Elethea… I am definitely back in school.

Two days before school started. I almost got bitten by a dog. My cousin's not-too-large pet was never a friendly one; and my only mistake was to cross its path. The next thing i knew was that its teeth were punctured into my pants and ripping it out from my leg; AND me desperately pulling in the opposite direction, with my two kid nephews laughing at the scene like it wasn't potentially fatal at all. I still got my leg, good heavens; but I guess I'll be wearing another destroyed pair of pants to school.

The day classes officially started. I went to school on that rainy day wearing flip flops - and survived it! My feet had safely stepped into muddy sidewalks and I went home with only a few spatters, haha. The reason why I'm obsessing about this is that I spent 20 minutes that early morning to scrub and clean my feet!

Two days after school opened. I was absent! Haha! After an hour's argument with my mother we both agreed to the fact that I save my day's allowance by not coming to my one and a half hour single lecture class on Thursdays. I was partly happy with the turn-out anyway: I got to play a silly online game and update a few stories the whole day.

Today. The day before the second week of school. My fresh pineapple diet was finally ruined.  With my dentist appointment cancelled, I spent the whole afternoon slumped in the couch drinking chocolate milk and watching World Cup 2006 games.

Believe it or not, I AM back in school.

a very late summer break

It's June and I've only a week off from school. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to coming back this semester for my seemingly suicidal mix of subjects. I can only wish myself luck and awful lot of brain power.

I've been busy even after summer classes; working on three stories and trying to finish my major summer project. The first story is the usual love-hate cheesiness, the second a crazy shounen-ai (waah… I don't even know why I started writing this!) and the third is a budding concept from one of my readers. But in all this insanity I am proud to say that the Elethean wizards have found direction at last, thanks to Hecate's brilliance and my occassional diligence in writing. I say that with all modesty.

The air carries a certain warmth today. It's senseless to say this, but I terribly miss…

The Torch. Again. Perhaps it's because of a certain memory that hit me this morning. For some strange reason, the scene where I had to climb over a fence for a news story kept replaying in my head. Nostalgia.

My sisters. I miss some more than others, and I feel silly thinking how long ago it all started. If only the others saw how far the rest got; I think they'll be quite impressed. 

 

 three years ago.

Time traveling to PRESENT.

Things I have learned/ discovered lately:

The professor always knows when you're not interested. I don't know how they do it, but they just know if you're flying away somewhere out of the class, haha.

Work reduces the risk of anxiety attacks. Keeping busy also keeps the mind off some things that make unstable beings like me change breathing patterns and experience minor chest pains. Makes me think I need to find a "real" job (not that my current work is not real… i just need something which actually pays me).

My missing tooth may cost me more than I thought. I have always wondered where my unemerged tooth was, and my recent visit to the dentist escalated my fear to another level. If my tooth is buried somewhere in my gumline, it might have to be removed surgically. AND I hate anything that had to do with opening me up, even just my gums. For the first time, waiting for my x-ray results became a nerve wracking situation. 

I have ignored all recent billing notices from the ISP. And the consequence: my net was disconnected for almost two weeks. Somehow, I still have a conviction that it is never my fault I had no time or money to pay for it. Hmm.

I had not gone to church for a long time. I'd rather not expound that.

I have not lost weight. It is getting harder and harder for me to find the right-fitting jeans these days. I don't understand why cheap buys always come in petite sizes, knowing that a large number of Filipinos are either borderline or overweight. It just makes shopping a lot more costly for girls my size or larger.

I am no longer overdramatic over some things. I didn't even know I was until I read something that I wrote last year. My new dictum: What happens, happens.

a fine reading, indeed

A few nights ago I was cramming for a nationalism speech I had to deliver the next day, and through my late night desperation… I stumbled upon an essay by national artist Nick Joaquin, entitled "A Heritage of Smallness". I have browsed the net for hours and perhaps had googled everything with the words 'Filipino', 'nationalism' and 'patriotism' in it and this essay was the only thing that struck me. Why? Simply because it was REAL. The exact thing I was looking for.

An excerpt: "What most astonishes foreigners in the Philippines is that this is a country, perhaps the only one in the world, where people buy and sell one stick of cigarette, half a head of garlic, a dab of pomade, part of the contents of a can or bottle, one single egg, one single banana. To foreigners used to buying things by the carton or the dozen or pound and in the large economy sizes, the exquisite transactions of Philippine tingis cannot but seem Lilliputian. So much effort by so many for so little."

 Anyway, here's what I think (at least):

One word: Brilliant.

Two feelings: Proud and hopeful.

Contrary to some comments I’ve read, I don’t think this essay actually belittles us; it simply describes the way we Pinoys belittle ourselves. Just last week I was walking around the main streets and I spotted a sari-sari store which caught my interest. I realized even cooking oil and soy sauce can now be transferred into mini plastic bags selling for five pesos each… and true enough, as the essay had mentioned, in this country you can actually buy a single egg, a stick of cigarette or a piece of menthol candy. I was not appalled or anything like that, in fact, I find this level of originality and resourcefulness amazing. I mean, who else would have thought of opening a whole pack of cigarette and dividing the amount to a price per stick? And if people could not afford an entire bottle of vinegar, then why not repackage it into 20 ml portions for a cheaper price? Again, we unknowingly showcase our tendency to improvise. To say that it is a good thing, perhaps is also to assume that the nation has not emerged from the economic crisis and the seemingly inexorable devaluation of the peso. But in the present situation, where hopingly we are rising from the crisis and gaining economic stability, this trend of small-scale enterprise may need to change. There will come a time when buying everything piece per piece would stunt our personal growth, so eventually we should stop bargaining everything in little pieces… it will get  us nowhere.

I understand the need for us to treat the small problems first, because in fact, even these small problems become gigantic as we always run out of solutions. People will not stop living in the small-scale if everything else remains small and lacking, literally (salaries, benefits, education and health services to name a few).

Anyway, that’s just one kid’s opinion.

Final word: the essay was extraordinarily written, a great English essay by a Filipino.  I would not expect less from the national artist.

[I spent hours writing a three-minute speech on nationalism. Perhaps my writing skills have rusted through time. *sigh*] 

a blessing from the deity of light

I have come across good mortals tonight. Those few people who would not hesitate to share their luck on some unfortunate fellow in the middle of a starless night. And yes, the unfortunate fellow is me… the guardian of all things bright, and I ran out of blessings just for a moment. And what a charm for these mortals to come along!

If it was only not forbidden by the sacred edict, I would gladly and open-heartedly bestow the ozora, the food of longevity, to your humble soul. But however limited my gratitude could be, I give you my respect and eternal thanks.

I do love you. 

Goodnight.

girlishness and all that

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?
 
 
Eeek. I knew it… I am an accidentally suppressed off-shoot of the male species. Haha. Well, kidding aside; I still am not surprised.  
 
Perhaps these things can at least redeem my goddess nature:
 
I smell like strawberries, plums and wild flowers rolled in one. I've been addicted to this plum-peppermint foot scrub and foot lotion which somehow drove me nuts this morning when I realized the volume of skin peeling off my feet (tsk). I think I almost overused the scrub last night. And yes, the strawberry scent. That might actually come from the cheap strawberry body butter i got last month with which I am also obssessed. And add to that the cute purple body lotion supposedly made of exotic flowers and white ginger that I regularly use, faithfully obeying the directions "apply liberally to skin" at the back of the tube. Hehe. I'm just wondering, tea tree oil doesn't smell like tea, eh? Good for me then, I don't think tea will match the fruity scents i just mentioned. Oh yeah, I also have this tea tree oil facial thingy. Hmmm, that's not girlish… that's just me as a hygiene freak.
 
I am wearing a lousy peach t-shirt. I realized that summer is the worst season for someone who loves leather, constantly wears pants, hates skimpy clothes, wears boots casually and who adores the colors black and flesh. The sun's been up there for two months and I've got nothing to wear for it. I'm stuck with the old lousy tees and jogging pants. Oops. No argument here, my fashion sense seems to be boyish at summer and plain weird in all other climates. Perhaps, no fashion sense at all.
 
Fancy lip gloss does not taste good. Just that.

 
My hair looks like that of a groomed Yorkshire terrier. I got a layered haircut, after I actually planned to have my hair short and failed with the plan. I've never, in my whole life, had my hair ends touching my ears. And I'm guess I'm just too chicken to go for it. So great, I ended up with a doggy look. Not a boyish one.
 

 Cuteness
 
I have consumed 60 ounces of coffee in three days straight. On the first day, I tripped on some low-fat milk and Nescafe which I concocted into my famous (at least, at home)  iced mocha drink. The next day, I blended ice into some instant French vanilla coffee mix. Today, I chilled bitter almond amaretto in the refrigerator. And boy, it's bitter. I guess I should stick to milk from now on. My sleeping problems have been getting worse… and the goddess cannot live with eyebags! Haha.
 
I am consciously getting into a crash diet. I have been avoiding lunch for two weeks now, but my waistline has not dropped a centimeter even. Yeah I know crash diets don't work and they may even be dangerous to health, relating to ulcers, digestive problems and more. I did not watch too many of Oprah's 'losing weight' episodes to not KNOW that at the very least. Hehe. So why am I on this habit? I am trying to get my bank account back on the normal, unalarming state and avoiding lunch is the only way to have money for it. That's sad. So I'm hoping a miracle would happen that I'd also lose weight in the process.Well, I guess having minor weight issues IS girlish. *giggles*

 
So there. It turns out I don't fit into the goddess archetype. That's quite okay… Alia isn't like Aphrodite or anything like that, she's just the plain divine scribe and warrior. Cool? Better be.
 
Other earthly matters: The mini-docu is finally finished. It just came out from editing and I could take a look at it for the first time tomorrrow. I'll see if I can still post screen shots. 
 
(Weird font…) 
 

the anatomy of a journalist

I miss the Torch.

Haha, yeah I miss that old paper. Well, I definitely miss the way i can write whatever I want and have it published how i like it.

 Investigative Journalist (wow ^^)

I am extremely psyched that today I had reached the top of the Manila City clock tower and lived to tell about it! haha. That's after four storeys, four extra wooden staircases and a wobbly spiral staircase to the top. My acrophobia has not been very easy to hide today though. In any case, curiosity has won over fear this time. Anyways, I learned a lot from the maintenance guy and it's totally amazing how the entire city can be seen from up there. Too bad the camera was not with me. Well, anyone can just ask Mang Chito and he can testify about my remarkable feat.

 Cool

 The investigative journalist that is me has been at its best today. Tomorrow I will visit the controversial house of former president Laurel in Paco, which cannot be opened for our documentary because of the 'alleged' many secrets of the house. Somehow, I'm evilly contemplating on sneaking the camera around the glass windows for a peek, hehe. Perhaps I can post pictures or maybe screenshots when it's done.

M.D.?

Also today I've been heavily thinking about the NMAT (admission test for med school). After three painful years in college I still haven't made out if I am in fact, doctor material or not. Quoting from Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy:

"I can’t think of any one reason on why I want to be a surgeon. But I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit." 

Yes, I do want the satisfaction of merely knowing that you can do something that only a small percent of the population can. And that you can do something for other people by being one of those beyond the shroud of common knowledge. But I don't want to attend expensive and uber-difficult med school for the wrong reasons. 

Maybe, there's still time to think. Before the doors close on me.

For now, I will need to finish that mini-documentary. 

on a coffee high

"I think I shall never see, a grade as lovely as a THREE." 

Reading this first line of the parody of Joyce Kilmer's poem printed at the back of a university shirt really didn't make sense to me until today.

I passed, or should I say, barely made it in physical chem 2 for the last semester. I got a three, not the best mark in the world, but hey… I'm damn proud of it! And now I know what else blogging is for: to brag about these things, hehe.

Right now, it doesn't matter how many straight A students read this post and think how crazy I must be for obsessing on a mediocre grade… I'd like to say it again, (I'm really loving the sound of this) I GOT A THREE.

I just spent five minutes on cloud nine… but now I'm tasked to read 24 pages of "La Indolencia de los Filipinos" essay by Jose Rizal. Mother Aderes help me.

anguish and physical chemistry

Even the budding goddess has her limits.

Today I took that dreaded physical chemistry removal exam and i felt nothing less than rotting in a torture chamber of my own imagination. I don't understand how my mind got cooked up while sitting in the center of an airconditioned room, and how my bag kept falling out of the chair like some elf had been playing with it. There were ten pieces of exam papers and answer sheets and I couldn't fit them all in my arm chair, so my calculator also suffered the constant threat of falling off and getting itself broken. And… the lighting was bad, as in all other rooms in the university, still due to the perpetual problem of funds and the utter lack of consideration that PERHAPS, bad lighting had contributed to the mass of students failing each semester.

I know. I'm making the aged, rotten nature of the classroom an excuse for me to fail.

There are certain reasons why I decided to abandon the old blog and create one which is its total opposite. Bevroren Scheuren was full of anguish… and this is my desperate way to reverse that. The other reasons… only the goddess shall know for now.

I am burned out. So let me just pet my unicorn.  

Metamorphosis

My metamorphosis list is barely half-completed.I COULD get my haircut tomorrow, after my matter-of-life-and-death attempt at a removal exam. and yes, starting this week… i will be keeping trusty Skechers in its box and try wearing my sacred, untouched white tennis shoes for a change. or perhaps, cowboy boots would go well with jeans… haha. i know it's summer, im not crazy. I think i forgot to write that in my profile: alia - obsessed with leather boots.
 
Anyways, i certainly hope the braces will be on me before the month ends… and with that, the metamorphosis can officially begin.
 
i just finished making an organized system of page training and knight classification for Elethea specifically for those in the Order of Calista, and i had just created the 7 Houses of Knights… but the 6 other daughters of creation have not seen it yet, so as we pinoys would say it, bahala na. the good thing is, i have made up my mind on my war clothes… finally. Now, all that's left to do is finish Amadea's story this summer, while getting out a detailed description of the Quelvin-Kai transformation. (from blue-eyed deity to ashen wise doctor) phew. still lotsa work for me, hehe.
 
Speaking of my other-worldly jobs, thanks to Katey for chibi Laila's pic.
 
For those who have seen the old blog, Esereth has gone off and shed her form to the goddess of light and illusion, the second-born daughter of creation, Alia. So from here on out, the black blog shall be kept away and phantasma will stay with the blues, grays and whites you see here. (Esereth still peeking: 'black has been getting me down, i guess.')  
 

A few acknowledgements and dedications:

Big sis Colline and Katey. thanks and i'll see yah soon.

Angela dear. whatever happens, I will come by your place soon.

Dan. Finally i got into the club, thanks for the domain suggestion. This is really cool.

Me. Happy birthday. Do not forget this time.